[Turns out we are doing delimited text all wrong][link]:
>If you use ASCII 31 as your field separator instead of comma or tab, and ASCII 30 as your record separator instead of new line. Then you have a text file format that is trivial to write out and read in, with no restrictions on the text in fields or the need to try and escape characters.
>
>It is even part of the design of the file encoding system.
Mind. Blown.
[link]: https://ronaldduncan.wordpress.com/2009/10/31/text-file-formats-ascii-delimited-text-not-csv-or-tab-delimited-text/ “Text File formats – ASCII Delimited Text – Not CSV or TAB delimited text | Ronald Duncan's Blog”